A long time ago someone suggested to me that I start a blog about the kids; that I do something geared towards being a dad of two autistic munchkins. They tell me I should use my writing skills (me? skillz?) to help make people aware of the struggle that comes with raising two autistic children. I've thought about it, but I've decided not to do it.
It's not that I don't want to help raise awareness for autism. It is something that too many people are absolutely ignorant about, but I've just never been one for social activism.
It doesn't belong to the Mom or Dad that doesn't think autism is real (yes, there are people that think that way still). It is there right to believe that autism is simply bad/lazy parenting--and it will be my right to beat the ever-living crap out of them if they ever share that belief in front of my face.
Our struggle is our struggle, and I prefer to keep it that way. Now I know that there are many out there that do write about their kids and tell their stories, and I applaud them for having the strength to do so. I don't think less of them, or believe they are doing anything wrong. In fact, I read many of their stories. It is helpful to hear how someone dealt with something; maybe it will work for our kids to.
Whenever I have thought about doing it, I find I can start telling a story, but end up stopping before I'm done and deleting it. It's not that it wasn't a good story or a relevant topic, but I felt like I was trying to encourage people to have sympathy for me and the kids (and my wife of course)--but I'm not.
I don't want anyone to have sympathy for my family because we have to autistic children. My kids are awesome. We have fun playing, laughing, joking around, cuddling, and acting like fools. Yeah, it may be hard to figure out what they want sometimes since they don't talk, but they are smart kiddos. They figure out ways to get the message across without saying a word.
Yes, autism has made life harder, but it has also helped me become even closer to my kids than I would have thought possible since we have had to figure out other ways to communicate and do things.
So why not tell my story so that others may learn from it?
We all have our struggles. Every family has trouble with something; something that makes life challenging. I've never wanted to appear as if I was saying my struggle is harder than anyone else's. We all have our difficulties, troubles, challenges, etc.
How we handle them is what matters and shapes the kind of person that we are going to be. So I don't want to present myself and the kiddos as he example anyone should try to be like. My struggle is not necessarily any easier, harder than anyone else's so what makes my story any more important or relevant than someone else's?
That is why I don't tell my story in a blog or in some other form. We all have trials and tribulations. Mine happens to be caused by a gene mutation that caused the kids to become autistic.
Anyway...
So why write this post if I am not trying tp promote autism awareness? Well--because I do want to promote something else--tolerance.
A long time ago I can recall being in line at Wal-Mart waiting or a script to get filled when I heard this kid screaming so incredibly loud. I can remember thinking why on earth wasn't this parent din something about their kid? Why were they not getting their kid to be quiet?
I was annoyed. I didn't know the parents or the kid (whom I saw walking by a few moments later with the kid attached to the dad's leg as dad walked out of the store). I was annoyed and wondered why they had their kiddo in the store.
Friday, as I was dropping the kids off at school I saw another kiddo on the floor having a full blown tantrum. This time, I wasn't annoyed at all. I felt for the little kiddo and the staff person he was with. Something was clearly troubling the kiddo and he didn't know how to tell his staff person so he did what anyone would do--he cried.
A lot.
Why wasn't I annoyed this time? Personal experience. My wife and I have been lucky enough not to have a serious tantrum with one of the kids in the middle of Wal-Mart, but we've had plenty in many other places.
I'll never forget the judgemental stares I got at the park one day when Jackson started shoveling sand into his mouth like he was eating the best food ever created. I finally got him to stop, and sit on a bench and eat some crackers. A guy came over and started telling me I needed to feed Jackson more protein.
It had nothing to do with protein. It was the texture of the sand Jackson was after.
The reaction most people have is sympathy. I get it. They mean well, but I and my kids do not want their sympathy, but we would like your understanding. Understand why the kids are doing what they are doing. They aren't being little shits. They are not being bad, disruptive for the sake of being disruptive, or pains in the ass.
They are just trying to lives--much like everyone else.
So don't stare the next time you see a kid walk by with headphones on or flapping his hands like he's trying to fly. Don't ask him if he knows how many jellybeans are in a jar or if he can count cards. Don't assume he is ignoring you if you say hi and he doesn't respond. Don't assume he is stupid or the parents did a bad job.
Understand why he is doing what he is doing by checking out the Autism Society's site and learn what autism is. Learn about it and understand it--and become a little more tolerant.
Not just tolerant of autism, but tolerant of people on the struggle bus in general. You don't know why they may be there, but you could be next. So don't judge. Be tolerant of them--and maybe, just maybe, they will be tolerant of you in your time of need.
(Yeah, I'm a day late with this. April 2 was Autism Awareness Day, but my wife and I had respite care for the kids yesterday and had a Date Day. No, the post has nothing to do with being a Mad Fat Man, but this is my blog. I can write what I want).
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